Kumagoro's Miracle Beam
by simply emotion
Summary: [YAOI] TohmaRyuichi RyuichiTohma. Tohma has suffered ever since Ryuichi left Nittle Grasper. But one phone call from Ryuichi sends everything spiraling down into chaos. And just what does Kumagoro have to do with it?


Kumagoro's Miracle Beam  
  
By: KSS  
  
I do not own any of the characters so don't sue.  
  
Note: I don't know how accurate this is really, I'm not obsessed with Gravitation like some of you are. So I don't usually follow the details as closely. Oh well. Hehe, enjoy.  
  
  
  
- -  
  
If only I had known today would be different from so many other days. . . I might not have had the will to get out of bed this morning. But I was oblivious that my life was about to be thrown into a downward spiral of mental stress.  
  
But just like every other morning, I awake to the early rays of sunlight peeking through the fluent silk curtains of my bed room window. The sounds of morning rush greet me from beyond the walls and into a brand-new day. Yet I never hurry to get out of bed, I bask in the warmth of blankets until I know I have to drag myself out and get dressed. There's no slacking off in my usual routine of work.   
  
I make my usual cup of tea and sit out my balcony with the newspaper in hand. And the first picture I see catches my eye. It's you. I lay my cup down and carefully unfold that picture of you, standing on stage with a mic in hand.   
  
Same old same old.   
  
Why am I not surprised to see your face on the front page? Standing there, before your fans as if you own the world.  
  
"Ryuichi Sakuma strikes again. Is California ready for this rock sensation right out of Japan?"  
  
I can't help but chuckle.   
  
They probably weren't ready. I knew that as a fact.   
  
Because I was apart of that sensation right from the start.  
  
I was with him when it all began. I knew what it was like to be with him, to be sucked into this entity known as Ryuichi Sakuma, who believed in everyone and everything.  
  
We were famous, we were loved and we had all the money we could dream of. We were living the life, the three of us. Ryuichi, Noriko and I, Tohma Seguchi. We took on Japan and made chaos in our wake. We broke hell lose from it cages and started a whole new era of music as we know it.   
  
We were young and we were rockstars. Music was our lives and we loved every minute of it.  
  
Nothing could stop us, and we thought we were invincible. And we were.  
  
But there's always one thing that can destroy an empire of power. And that's real, true love for someone in your life. I loved Music. . . but I loved him more. Maybe it was just a crush or infatuation, I don't know. But whatever it was that I felt for him, was never told. I feared telling him, and I was afraid of the effects it would have on our lives when I wasn't even sure it was love at all.   
  
But most of all, I was scared of what he would think. So I kept quiet, and tried to get over it. But it never went away.   
  
I never minded, you know. . . being in his shadow. I was happy to be apart of Ryuichi Sakumas life and world.   
  
Ryuichi. . . is so much more than what people saw him as. His music. . . his voice. . . he has a gift that others envy him for. Every song we played was written by him. The words, the music, all of it was blended a worked out like a complicated puzzle in his mind. His voice was beautiful, and note perfect every time. The words he sang, always meaning something to him in one way or another. He had the ability to create works of art with his own voice. And being able to watch that, to see his brilliant mind at work, to see him put the perfecting touches on his latest masterpiece was something no ordinary fan could ever hope to understand. They'd rather talk about his hair and cloths and what soap products he uses.   
  
It made me jealous, seeing him flirt with the girls the way he did. The way he'd always make time to sign a few autographs and have a few drinks. They never understood him, yet he focused his attention on them every chance he got.   
  
I was being selfish, I know. I was lucky to play with him at all. To see him on stage every other night and watch him perform with such energy and passion for the one thing he loves most.   
  
His soul reflects in his eyes when he sings. Most don't notice that though.   
  
Eyes of deep chestnut brown, they pair beautifully with the olive hues of his skin. And they always sparkle. Maybe that's what drew me to him in the first place. Those eyes. Something in them told me I had to be apart of his life, to see this unexplained phenomenon unfold to the world and reveal it's secrets. And I made sure that I did. I was by his side for so long, watching him every day.  
  
He never ceased to amaze me. There was always something new for him to do, something that he would always drag me into. Wether it be the time mixed eight different alcoholic beverages into a margarita and made me taste it, or when he claimed he wanted to jump out of airplane just for kicks. I talked him out of that one, thank god. (If I hadn't, fan girls all over Japan would be angsting over his death.)  
  
I smile, looking down at his grinning face on the front page.  
  
Everyday was a mid-life crisis for him. I swear. . . if he wasn't whining about something or another, he was devising a new way to endanger our lives. I'll never ride on a motorcycle with him again, I can promise that.   
  
He still teases me about that to this day. That I have no stomach for adrenalin.  
  
If only his fans knew that side of him. That he was both brilliant and adolescent in his ways. If only they didn't see him as just a rockstar or a pretty face. Then they'd know the real Ryuichi Sakuma as I did. Then they would truly love him. But that part of him his hidden from the world. You know why? Because it was good for business. It was better that fans didn't know he could be a whiney child. Better that they didn't know his keyboardist had a schoolgirl crush on him. Because if they knew. . . their mental image of us would cease to exist. Whatever greatness they saw us as would fade and it would be over. And I would have died before that happened. I wouldn't be the one to destroy Nittle Grasper. I could never do that Ryuichi's dream.  
  
I was there to perform by his side. So that's what I did.   
  
I knew him as Ryu-san, or just plain Ryu.  
  
I suppose I should be honored that I could call him that with a deeper meaning than any fan girl ever could. But it wasn't enough for me. I wanted him to see me, me, not just blink and look past me to some drooling girl. I wanted him to smile at me, not them. But he never would.   
  
Only when we were alone, would he tease me with quick, mischievous grins over his shoulder or a look of genuine affection between friends.  
  
That was it. I was his friend. And nothing more.   
  
But then it just ended. All of it was over so quickly. Thrown out the window, torn into a million shreds, fluttering to the ground like little flakes of melting snow. Nittle Grasper was over. Ryuichi Sakuma left us.  
  
He went away to embarked on his solo career. And we were left to go about our lives as if nothing ever happened. Maybe Noriko could go about her life again, with something new. But my life ended.   
  
My life was over because I didn't see any other life without him there. I wanted him near me always. But it ended wether I wanted it to or not. And I refused to forgive him. I never hated him, nor resented him, but I never forgave him. I never came to understand how he could just leave with no reason, and start a whole new life while I was trying to pick up the fallen pieces of mine.   
  
It hurt, to see him walk away and never notice what he did to me. Then again, he never did notice, did he? Was I never more than a casual friend? Was I just Tohma, your keyboardist? Was I just a face you saw every morning, the one who played in your shadow while you were on everyone else's eye? I suppose I was if you could just shut the door with a smile on your face and that glimmer in your eyes.   
  
Why, Ryu-san? How come you never told me why?   
  
I'd like to think that it was something I did. . .that I could have just apologized for it and the three of us would be together again.You, Noriko and I.  
  
But I know I did nothing.   
  
It was just something you had to do, wasn't it Ryu?  
  
I couldn't have made him stay had I tried. Maybe he was doing me and Noriko a favor.   
  
We both have new lives now. It wasn't easy for me, but I moved on.   
  
Noriko is a studio musician.   
  
And I work as a producer for N-G records. I'm married to my wife, Mika Seguchi and I'm happy. . .   
  
At least I'd like to think I am.   
  
Mika. . . is wonderful but she can't compare to you. She treats me so well, that sometimes I feel bad for thinking of you and not her. I tried to move on Ryu-san, I really did, but I failed. I still love you. . . everything about you and I can't make myself stop.   
  
I try everyday to love Mika as half as much as I love you, but I don't.   
  
My love for you. . . It would have ruined our lives. Even if I had told you, for that alone, you wouldn't have returned those feelings. Would you? Music is your life and that's all you want. . . Who am I to deny you that?  
  
Nothing was the same after you left Ryu-san. I miss you. . .   
  
For the longest time it hurt to know that you weren't there anymore. That I'd no longer get to see you and that little world you lived in, in your head. I even miss Kumagoro. . .that disgusting little bunny you liked to chew on. . . Actually. . . you know, I felt sorry for that stuffed animal. . . you nearly chewed his ear off so many times.   
  
Do you remember when you used to come to me with tears in your eyes? Clinging to that bunny and trying your hardest not to cry because his ear was torn? Remember when I used to sow his ear back together and give you a hug and tell you it would be okay?  
  
Or the time you insisted on using my silk shirt as a blanket for the shoe box bed thing you made for him to sleep in?   
  
Or when you used to tell me all about Kumagoro's miracle powers? That you insisted he turned into a real living thing when you left the room?   
  
  
  
You drove me crazy with that little bunny, Ryu-san.   
  
And I miss that. It makes me jealous to think of who sows Kumagoro's ear back on nowadays. Or who's shirt you're using to tuck him in with.   
  
I'd even listen to you rant about him again. If you'd just come back. . .   
  
Your face still grins at me from the newspaper. But you aren't coming back any time soon are you? . . . Is California really that great? Is that where you belong? Without me and Noriko?   
  
Are we really over?   
  
I toss your picture over the balcony and turn away. Your face flutters down within the throng of people, and you're gone just like that.   
  
But why can't I forget?  
  
I step inside to get a warm cup of tea, and I find Mika awake and on the phone. She doesn't seem happy. She has that annoyed cringe on her face and vein popping out of her forehead. She sees me and glares. I suck as she throws the phone in my direct and yells "It's for you!" And she stalks off to the bedroom.   
  
I pick the phone off the phone and listen. Nothing  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Tohma -san! It's Kumagoro-chan, your best friend!" That high pitched squeaky voice. . .   
  
Oh no. . .  
  
"Ryuichi?"  
  
"Hehe, sorry Tohma. Hey, what do you say we get together soon? I think it's about time the Nittle Grasper's had a reunion."   
  
To be continued. . . 


End file.
